So the laptop which I usually write these is currently down, so I thought I'd just write something on one of the school computers as I'm waiting for the charger to arrive. Should get my mind off of stuff.
So I keep having these thoughts about my writing, how I just can't seem to properly find the right words, and that whenever I look at my words, I can only but feel contempt that I'm not a better writer. I understand that there must be constant revision and editing in order to make a piece as good as it can get, but it also bothers me when I look at some of my work with disgust and an upset mind. It's not like I'm not able to write good, and I've done stuff that people have liked in the past, but it just feels like sometimes I won't be able to deal with these problems.
I guess that's what they call suffering as an artist. Never feeling like your efforts are quite good enough to display in any sort of book, whether they're short stories or not. Many ideas run through my mind, but I always wonder what should I write about, and how I should write it like, and whether or not the characters are roughly my age or younger, and how these characters would respond and talk, and... well, you get the idea. I suppose I spend too much time thinking and not spending enough time writing stuff down. The main piece I would like to write will be hard to work on, as I have many ideas and events planned for it in my head, but I don't know where or when to put them, and I don't want any character to really suffer being put on the shelf.
To me, characters move the piece forward, and if I don't care for them, it will be hard for me to continue looking at the piece with a positive mind. I usually find something I like about with characters that I enjoy in books, like Van Helsing from Dracula's strange way of talking and religious and scientific ideals that he has towards vampires, or the Whale Caller from the book of the same name's sense of loyalty to Sarisha, a whale that he falls in love with, and his love for senses not related to sight. In fact, in general, bizarre characters tend to be the better ones, because they stick out like a sore thumb and typically have their own strange problems.
My own characters have their own little quirks, but I sometimes wonder if there's not enough or too much. For example, one of my characters has a more rebellious sort of archetype to him, but he's also not really bad at all, just going through a strange sort of supernatural event involved with his less than caring family. Or the main character who is among a race that is looked down by nearly every other type of "Hiddy" in the story, and wants to show them that it's not the right view while also being rather clueless about the strange surroundings. Or the leader who always does his best to remain jolly and be there as a cool older brother figure, but soon discovers something that puts in to question what he should be doing with life. Or the other main character who suffers her own problems and fights to be her own person while being haunted by her past. Or one character who is a type of being that will live way longer than everyone else, and he has to come with terms with the fact that he'll be around well after they die, and more importantly, how much he values them. Or one girl whose running away from her responsibilites by taking a completely different name and doesn't want to be shackled down to one particular role in life.
I know that some of these sound pretty out there, and some have been dealt with before, but I don't want to exactly spoil who these characters are, or even how their role in the stories will change and mold, and how with the addition of more characters, there's a lot of stress to deal with along with the sort of adventuring and action. I can paint the images of these people in my head over and over, but giving it order or reason is difficult, and it always feels like there's a better series of events that work better than others.
Setting is also a little tricky for me. I like to paint a nice picture of where these characters, but sometimes I worry about an over amount of detail that would bore the audience, or too little to where I might as well having these people wanting on a blank sheet of paper. But I suppose that's the beauty of the english language. Once you get the power to bend it to your will and temper with it, you get a grand blade that will cut into your reader's minds and hearts with emotions and ideas and language that they will be able to take with them.
Perhaps I'm just overthinking it. I still need to properly write up a list of events that will happen within the first book in that. Sometimes I even wonder though if I should try and do a different book first before I tread into that territory, allowing me to get some experience before I decide to fully dive in into the world of writing series. But these blogs do help me, if only to vent out some stuff and to let me think and write to myself. I feel like there's at least a few other people looking at these, and I thank you for taking the time to look at them. I still want to post more here before I make this official and put this on my facebook or anything. I guess I do wish for comments and feedback to eventually happen, but I guess I can't be too greedy either.
And wow, I'm pretty sure this is the longest blog that I've wrote so far.
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